Friday, April 3, 2009

REVIEW: WATCHMEN = 3.5 Blueballs

Not really spoilers ahead, just specifics.
blueballs
I know, I know, Dr. Manhattan's nudity has been discussed to death, but I just saw this movie so my turn! Besides, it's just Lawnmower Man 1992 'virtual reality' kind of nudity anyway. I still liked that he replicated himself during his sex scene resulting in a Blue Man Group 4 way. Apparently, the Blue Man Group guys jizz in neon colors (see photo above), poor girl must look like Jackson Pollack afterwards.
beyond
Anyway, I had no prior knowledge of the Watchmen and the trailer looked like it was for "Beyond the Mind's Eye 5", those 90's trippy computer animation clips that were just glorified screensavers. And the near 3 hour runtime also scared me, but if I could sit through Australia, I could definitely make it through Watchmen. My favorite part of the entire thing was actually the opening credits sequence. I fucking hate Bob Dylan, and yeah it was all really Forrest Gump-esque, but that lesbian kiss/murder scene blew my mind. The character is Silhouette and they don't show her for the rest of the movie! I want a whole spinoff movie just about her!
rorshach
Also, nobody told me 2-time MVP, Phoenix Suns All-star Steve Nash played Rorschach, the dude with the changing inkblot mask who can seriously fuck you up in prison, or anywhere. I had to look him up on imdb.com to make sure they weren't brothers cuz that is some uncanny shit! Maybe their mother's had the same milkman, something.

The dudes in the lobby afterwards confirmed my observations, this movie doesn't have much action, but the action it does have is very brutal.

Siderbar: I don't care what you indie rock music elitist assholes say, the music in this movie ruled! Bob Dylan and that Janis Joplin song aside, I liked the rest of it. It was really dated obvious pop in your face things like "99 Luft Balloons" by that German chic, and "Boogie Man" by K.C. & the Sunshine Band during a street riot and Hendrix, Nat King Cole, Simon & Garfunkel and Leonard Cohen. But also the subtle cues like the Musak instrumental of "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" in the background of the scene where all the press are interviewing Ozymandias. Just cuz someone uses pop music, doesn't mean they don't know of anything else. If you did an all indie obscure soundtrack for a movie everyone would think you are choosing unknown acts just for that reason alone, same rational, so go fuck yourself.
fierceman
Speaking of Ozymandias. He's the gay Donald Trump...right? They show him hitting up Studio 54 in the intro with David Bowie and Mick Jagger, and he's this skinny, blonde, metro-looking billionaire with a giant purple Egyptian tiger pet thing ala Sigfried & Roy. Also he references his idol, Alexander the Great, gaaaaaaaaaay. Not sure if they touch on that in the graphic novel but it's spelled out all over the screen. Here is some random fan art I found regarding the subject...
gaywatchmen
Watchmen is not your typical superhero movie at all, which is probably why I got hooked. There is a lot more focus on complex character development rather than blow-em-up action scenes. From someone who knew nothing about it, and didn't even want to see it, I ending up loving it for all it's tongue in cheek humor, brutally violent action, mentally disturbed Forrest Gumpish awesomeness.

2 comments:

  1. All the reasons I liked it too. I didn't over-think it and I think if one does, then there's plenty to dislike. I read 3/4 of the novel before I saw it and it's incredibly true to the book. The music choices are very smart because it emotes a tone from the novel that helps remind the viewer of the real 1980s, which helped me to suspend disbelief in the Watchmen's alternate 1980s.

    I felt the same exact thing when I saw Rorschach and immediately pretended it was Steve Nash. This movie is like an anti-superhero movie, much like Leone/Eastwood's Dollar Westerns are the anti-western. The "good" guy or guys that aren't necessarily good at all and some are downright evil (The Comedian). The novel is incredibly dense - more backstory and a whole comic within the comic (which is actually already out, I think, or an animated special feature on the dvd.)

    I most enjoyed each character's meditations on what it was and is to be a "Mask" and how that all changed once Dr. Manhattan, with his true limitless power, came into being.

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  2. I looooved it, and really don't know how the duplicated the sex scene you and I had in the sweat jet (R.I.P.) in Archibald or whatever the flying owls name is.. also side note.. just cuz you can add a song to your blog doesn't mean you should.. carry on.

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