LET'S GET SPRUNG

SPRING FASHION ALERT!!!

Fashion Week has come and gone in Milan, Paris, New York,...now, last and least, LA. I don't know what the hot new trends are but I imagine a lot of stuff looking like Ed Hardy took a shit on a trucker hat and sold it for $100, or some cougar bedazzled slutty words in 'old english' font on the ass of women's sweat suits. LA Fashion week is like the Rock of Love Bus of fashion. I haven't seen any current shit, but my last favorite show was Christian Dior Fall 07, it's on youtube in 3 or 4 parts, warning: it's extremely gay but if you are even remotely interested in Project Runway, you might like it, here's part 1 of 3:


Also, just for old time's sake I have to post...
the model falling through the hole on the catwalk, I think she finally just filed a lawsuit over this


...and the funniest fall, but the version where the news anchors can't stop laughing cuz I love me some news bloopers and catwalk bloopers, but the 2 combined is blooper heaven. loooves me some good ol' fashioned bloopers.



I was curious about what kind of slumdog millionaire sweatshop-knock offs H&M would be rolling out this spring so I cruised their website. When they first came to town it was kinda jammin, but since has turned into a neon new rave k hole. Last time I was there they had a mannequin, wearing underwear over sweatpants, with a button down dress shirt and a scarf. So their website has a feature where you can upload a photo of yourself and enter your measurements and then virtually try anything on. If you choose their model, the clothes magically fly on and off while they walk in place down a virtual runway, check it out. I decided to try and come up with the gayest possible outfits, shootin fish in a barrel. You can even accessorize and pick different background locations. The final one is my only serious attempt at something I would actually wear. Here is my resulting look book:


Look #1: "Pastel Playground" apparently I only tan my legs, so I must cover my upper half with a sweater and scarf, then I go breakdance

Look #2: "Jet Setter" aka rent boy cruising the hotel lobby for a sugar daddy

Look #3: "Gay Librarian" man I really hate scarfs, and reading

Look #4: "Poolside" I can do this...but why do I have E.T. hands?

SPRING BREAKDOWN!!!
I guess this movie was made years ago and is now straight to dvd, which means, although the cast seems good...it probably sucks. But you know I'm gonna see it any damn way. Review to come, as soon as I reactivate my Netflix.

Trailer Park Roundup

No, you don't need to wrangle in your desert meth labs, this is about movie previews, the good, the bad, the ugly, the Sandra Bullock, let's see what's coming our way in theaters for 2009 besides the obvious Transformers 2, G.I. Joe, which both look jammin'...

PLANET 51

Ok, Thanksgiving isn't 'early 2009' but still. As much as I despise the onslaught of computer animated kid's movies these days, this one actually looks good! I usually hate Pixar (except for Finding Nemo and Wall-E, otherwise they suck) and Shrek was good but Shrek 2 and Shrek 3 and Shrek the Broadway musical?! seriously? Anyway, Planet 51 looks pretty good, martian kids playing hop scotch on crop circle symbols, the multi-mouthed alien from the Alien movies is a house pet, the funny American atronaught is the 'alien', it's cuter than a screaming chipmunk like all these Madagascar/ Over the Hedge/ Ice Age/ Fly Me to the Moon bullshit movies.

THE SOLOIST

Wasn't this supposed to come out months ago? I guess homeless LA crackheads must seem charming and whimsical to Euro-directors cuz this guy just made his swan song for them, probably after staying here for 2 months in a W Hotel over award season a year or two ago. This movie looks hilarious! Jamie Foxx plays a retarded-homeless-crackhead-cello-genius? Robert Downey Jr. plays some weathered newspaper reporter looking for a scoop? They meet in some kind of freeway traffic stand still and have some kind of undiscovered intellectual conntection. Jamie Foxx's jerry curl mullet is enough reason not to see it.

TOKYO!

Finally something good-lookin. I mean, it looks crazy-as-hell but cool. Give me some crazy-ass Michel Gondry shit anyday.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2

Ben Stiller is an asshole, everyone know's it. At least he found a Meet The Fockers follow-up to pay his rent. Kids who liked Social Studies loved the first one so this will blow their pre-pubescent minds! I hope. right?

ALL ABOUT STEVE

Dear Sandy B., I luvs ya, I'm sorry some crazy stalker is trying to kill your boyfriend/fiance?/husband/motorcycle-enthusiast Jesse James. I'm also sorry I didn't pay that fat asshole $15 for a 90's marble plaque with your photo on it and an engraving saying "She is a fan of the internet" at the Fairfax High School Sunday Swap Mart (Wendi knows what i'm talkin bout). So many things we need to discuss, including your return to cinema via this film...? It's like Will & Grace, but if Grace was even more crazy and slutty.

THE PROPOSAL
Hey wait Sandy B. this one doesn't look half bad. Count me in.


ANIME NERDS CONTINUE!!!

DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION

Fucking finally right? This movie is a long time comin' and will be followed up by the Naruto movie starring Dev Patel, the dude from Slumdog Millionaire. Anywhoozle, this Dragonball movie looks kinda cool maybe? Kinda low budge but might be fun.

STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI

Uuuummmmm....where the hell is Chun-Li in this trailer? She's the title character and i saw her for 2 seconds in this preview. Why not call it the Legend of Vega cuz he is featured way more. It looks brokedown anyway.

AVATAR - You anime nerds go bat-shit crazy over Avatar, which I don't undertand. Regardless, this movie is still in production, and Dev Patel from 'Slumdog Millionaire' is involved now and I'm sure you will jizz in your pants about it whenever it comes out. Is there a Naruto Hentai coming soon too?