Here's more new pics of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Alice looks normal but Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Matt Lucas from Little Britain) looks more like a cross between Puggsley Addams and the 'chubby cuppy cake boy' from youtube, gross.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
MORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND...
Here's more new pics of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Alice looks normal but Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Matt Lucas from Little Britain) looks more like a cross between Puggsley Addams and the 'chubby cuppy cake boy' from youtube, gross.
Monday, June 22, 2009
ALICE IN BURTONLAND
This shit looks fuckin RRRRRAAAAADDDD!!!
Sorry if you weren't a fan of Tim Burton's Charlie & The Chocolate Factory remake but I liked it and this looks way better. With Alan Rickman, Crispin Glover and Christopher Lee? Can't wait. Bigger pics and full story at USA Today.
BUSTIN MAKES ME FEEL GOOD
I am buying Powerball tickets every week until I win that shit so I can buy this sweet ride, the real life Ecto-1 ectomobile from Ghostbusters! This shit is on ebay RIGHT NOW for a cool $150,000. I might as well just buy some junk and duct tape it to the side of my Buick Lesabre and paint the logo on, that's as close as I'll ever get. Are they still doing that MTV show Pimp My Ride? Cuz this is what I would get. This dude gives all the details in his
Aaannnnd, he made a youtube commercial for it too, which I suggest skipping around cuz it's more like an infomercial running at 10 mins. long. But still, the dude tricked out the inside with all the bells and whistles including a Slimer ghost radar, Ghostbuster uniforms, neon green ground effects, the actual siren noise AND Bose speakers pumping the themesong!!!
I know I've said the DeLorean is my ultimate dream-mobile, and Michael Jackson's Peter Pan golf cart too, but this one takes the cake. This would make me the official King of Halloween! FOREVERRRR!!!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Trailer Park Roundup
No, you don't need to wrangle in your desert meth labs, this is about movie previews, the good, the bad, the ugly, the Sandra Bullock, let's see what's coming our way in theaters for 2009 besides the obvious Transformers 2, G.I. Joe, which both look jammin'...
PLANET 51
Ok, Thanksgiving isn't 'early 2009' but still. As much as I despise the onslaught of computer animated kid's movies these days, this one actually looks good! I usually hate Pixar (except for Finding Nemo and Wall-E, otherwise they suck) and Shrek was good but Shrek 2 and Shrek 3 and Shrek the Broadway musical?! seriously? Anyway, Planet 51 looks pretty good, martian kids playing hop scotch on crop circle symbols, the multi-mouthed alien from the Alien movies is a house pet, the funny American atronaught is the 'alien', it's cuter than a screaming chipmunk like all these Madagascar/ Over the Hedge/ Ice Age/ Fly Me to the Moon bullshit movies.
THE SOLOIST
Wasn't this supposed to come out months ago? I guess homeless LA crackheads must seem charming and whimsical to Euro-directors cuz this guy just made his swan song for them, probably after staying here for 2 months in a W Hotel over award season a year or two ago. This movie looks hilarious! Jamie Foxx plays a retarded-homeless-crackhead-cello-genius? Robert Downey Jr. plays some weathered newspaper reporter looking for a scoop? They meet in some kind of freeway traffic stand still and have some kind of undiscovered intellectual conntection. Jamie Foxx's jerry curl mullet is enough reason not to see it.
TOKYO!
Finally something good-lookin. I mean, it looks crazy-as-hell but cool. Give me some crazy-ass Michel Gondry shit anyday.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2
Ben Stiller is an asshole, everyone know's it. At least he found a Meet The Fockers follow-up to pay his rent. Kids who liked Social Studies loved the first one so this will blow their pre-pubescent minds! I hope. right?
ALL ABOUT STEVE
Dear Sandy B., I luvs ya, I'm sorry some crazy stalker is trying to kill your boyfriend/fiance?/husband/motorcycle-enthusiast Jesse James. I'm also sorry I didn't pay that fat asshole $15 for a 90's marble plaque with your photo on it and an engraving saying "She is a fan of the internet" at the Fairfax High School Sunday Swap Mart (Wendi knows what i'm talkin bout). So many things we need to discuss, including your return to cinema via this film...? It's like Will & Grace, but if Grace was even more crazy and slutty.
THE PROPOSAL
Hey wait Sandy B. this one doesn't look half bad. Count me in.
ANIME NERDS CONTINUE!!!
DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION
Fucking finally right? This movie is a long time comin' and will be followed up by the Naruto movie starring Dev Patel, the dude from Slumdog Millionaire. Anywhoozle, this Dragonball movie looks kinda cool maybe? Kinda low budge but might be fun.
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI
Uuuummmmm....where the hell is Chun-Li in this trailer? She's the title character and i saw her for 2 seconds in this preview. Why not call it the Legend of Vega cuz he is featured way more. It looks brokedown anyway.
AVATAR - You anime nerds go bat-shit crazy over Avatar, which I don't undertand. Regardless, this movie is still in production, and Dev Patel from 'Slumdog Millionaire' is involved now and I'm sure you will jizz in your pants about it whenever it comes out. Is there a Naruto Hentai coming soon too?
PLANET 51
Ok, Thanksgiving isn't 'early 2009' but still. As much as I despise the onslaught of computer animated kid's movies these days, this one actually looks good! I usually hate Pixar (except for Finding Nemo and Wall-E, otherwise they suck) and Shrek was good but Shrek 2 and Shrek 3 and Shrek the Broadway musical?! seriously? Anyway, Planet 51 looks pretty good, martian kids playing hop scotch on crop circle symbols, the multi-mouthed alien from the Alien movies is a house pet, the funny American atronaught is the 'alien', it's cuter than a screaming chipmunk like all these Madagascar/ Over the Hedge/ Ice Age/ Fly Me to the Moon bullshit movies.
THE SOLOIST
Wasn't this supposed to come out months ago? I guess homeless LA crackheads must seem charming and whimsical to Euro-directors cuz this guy just made his swan song for them, probably after staying here for 2 months in a W Hotel over award season a year or two ago. This movie looks hilarious! Jamie Foxx plays a retarded-homeless-crackhead-cello-genius? Robert Downey Jr. plays some weathered newspaper reporter looking for a scoop? They meet in some kind of freeway traffic stand still and have some kind of undiscovered intellectual conntection. Jamie Foxx's jerry curl mullet is enough reason not to see it.
TOKYO!
Finally something good-lookin. I mean, it looks crazy-as-hell but cool. Give me some crazy-ass Michel Gondry shit anyday.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2
Ben Stiller is an asshole, everyone know's it. At least he found a Meet The Fockers follow-up to pay his rent. Kids who liked Social Studies loved the first one so this will blow their pre-pubescent minds! I hope. right?
ALL ABOUT STEVE
Dear Sandy B., I luvs ya, I'm sorry some crazy stalker is trying to kill your boyfriend/fiance?/husband/motorcycle-enthusiast Jesse James. I'm also sorry I didn't pay that fat asshole $15 for a 90's marble plaque with your photo on it and an engraving saying "She is a fan of the internet" at the Fairfax High School Sunday Swap Mart (Wendi knows what i'm talkin bout). So many things we need to discuss, including your return to cinema via this film...? It's like Will & Grace, but if Grace was even more crazy and slutty.
THE PROPOSAL
Hey wait Sandy B. this one doesn't look half bad. Count me in.
ANIME NERDS CONTINUE!!!
DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION
Fucking finally right? This movie is a long time comin' and will be followed up by the Naruto movie starring Dev Patel, the dude from Slumdog Millionaire. Anywhoozle, this Dragonball movie looks kinda cool maybe? Kinda low budge but might be fun.
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI
Uuuummmmm....where the hell is Chun-Li in this trailer? She's the title character and i saw her for 2 seconds in this preview. Why not call it the Legend of Vega cuz he is featured way more. It looks brokedown anyway.
AVATAR - You anime nerds go bat-shit crazy over Avatar, which I don't undertand. Regardless, this movie is still in production, and Dev Patel from 'Slumdog Millionaire' is involved now and I'm sure you will jizz in your pants about it whenever it comes out. Is there a Naruto Hentai coming soon too?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Reviews: Bride Wars, Gran Torino, The Day The Earth Stood Still, The Unborn, Taken, My Bloody Valentine 3D
BRIDE WARS = MY SUPER SWEET MID-TWENTIES!!!
Is this shit for real?! Given the popularity of MTV's "My Super Sweet Sixteen" and some other channel's "Bridezillas!" this movie sounds like a sure thing. But some genius producer decides if they want to appeal to the age ranges of each show they will need a PG rating from the MPAA, which basically means the entire movie is in the trailer and you could show it to a 6 year old while you 'babysit' aka give your bf an hj. Shit, I am willing to bet "Marley & Me" is more traumatizing to children than this crap. Even the "My Super Sweet Sixteen" made for MTV movie is more risque than 'Bride Wars'. This shit is strictly for the 'Daddy's Disney Princess' aka Gold-Diggers-In-Training aka I-wanna-be-on-the-Real-Housewives-of-OC-2025!
P.S. DUDES! If your girlfriend makes you see this movie, RUN!, run as far in the opposite direction as possible, run to your nearest strip club, just RUNNNN!!!
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GRAN TORINO = CLINT'S EASTWOOD'S AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL, 30 YEARS LATE
Is this seriously supposed to be his final farewell love letter to cinema? Cuz if so, he's lettin his anti-Charlie flag fly high and proud. This movie is basically a glorified After School Special in which a white, curmudgeon, war vet is reluctant to succomb to Korean families/gangs taking over his neighborhood, but then takes a stand against the gangs since the Korean neighbors celebrate him as a hero for defending their family. I'm all for Korean BBQ, as long as the waitresses don't conveniently forget you ordered the 'all-you-can-eat special' and ignore you after 2 minutes. Also, Koreans can't drive for shit, you know it, i know it, we all know it. It's not racist, it's a law of nature. Go ahead and take a casual drive through K-Town and count how many times you almost died, then you saw some vacant Korean woman behind the wheel driving like Helen Keller in a snow storm, wait...Helen Keller driving in a snow storm wouldn't be any different than Helen Keller driving on a sunny day. Anyway, Korean + operating heavy machinery = certain death. So, Clint spends the entire movie growling like a hound in heat and only made me think of all the hours he must have spent perfecting his various growls doing ADR in some studio. Gran Torino is way funnier than Changeling, and just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier, Clint starts 'singing' during the end credits! That was the icing on my geriatric cake.
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THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL = IT STOOD STILL BECAUSE THIS MOVIE WAS SO BORING
How many times are we supposed to watch Keanu Reeves play a goopy, sci-fi, hair-less, fetus man/being and take it seriously? After 3 Matrixes, we're done, we're overdone. And throwing 'funky-urban-haired Will Smith's kid on top of everything only makes me vomit more and turn the movie off sooner, take a shower and praise the heavens I am not a part of the Will/Jada Willow/Jaden Pinkett/Smith family of obviously-Scientologists-in-denial-hell. Yes I like hyphens right now, deal with it.
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THE UNBORN = ABORT! ABORT! MISSION ABORT!
The trailer for this movie is a hundred times better than the actual thing, even though it's all a rip-off of the deleted 'spider-walk' staircase scene from the original 'The Exorcist'. The actual movie was so boring I would have paid to watch the trailer on a 90 minute loop instead of this shit. HOWEVER...whoever this lead chic is, wow! If you could conceive of some heavenly hybrid of Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jennifer Connoly and Pocahontas...i think this is her and she is jammin on the one's and two's. Not sure how she skipped over the porn industry but hopefully she has more mainstream, feature films lined up. FYI, half the audience left after an hour or less so if you think I'm too Judge Judy, it was a collective opinion.
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TAKEN = EYE FOR AN EYE: THE DADDY VERSION!
Only few people know, but there was a jammin thriller from the 90's called 'Eye For An Eye' starring Sally Field as the mother of a raped/murdered teen daughter, out for vengance against the released rapist Kiefer Sutherland. The opening scene, at the birthday party, with the ice sculpture, and Sally's balloons while she's stuck in traffic (not her breasts, actual party balloons)...y'all know what i'm talkin' about. Very tense. Anyway, 'Taken' is like the modern day male version of 'Eye for an Eye'. It's good, short, sweet, action packed, sexy, dangerous, not so bad for a January thriller (since this is the time of year studios usually dump all their garbage in hope of some turnover). It is what it is, better than Hotel For Dogs or Mall Cop I'm sure.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D = MY BORING SERIAL KILLER MINER IN 3D
The og MBV is still one of the scariest 80's slasher movies I've always loved but has never gotten much recognition. Y'all know I loves seeing any movie in 3D and, while this one is fun at times, I was still boooooored to death. They should hang canary cages in the theater to determine how boring this movie is so if the bird falls asleep you know you should get a refund or sneak into something else. Sure there's like a 15 minute scene of a fully naked chic running around but still, the rest is a yawn fest. They even manage to morph the main female lead into a full on, lesbianesque-flannel-wearing-Lohan-look-alike and I was still dying for it to END! While fun at some scenes, overall it's so boring I was hoping the killer miner would throw his pick into the projector and end our collective misery. 'Our' meaning me, the only person in the theater.
Is this shit for real?! Given the popularity of MTV's "My Super Sweet Sixteen" and some other channel's "Bridezillas!" this movie sounds like a sure thing. But some genius producer decides if they want to appeal to the age ranges of each show they will need a PG rating from the MPAA, which basically means the entire movie is in the trailer and you could show it to a 6 year old while you 'babysit' aka give your bf an hj. Shit, I am willing to bet "Marley & Me" is more traumatizing to children than this crap. Even the "My Super Sweet Sixteen" made for MTV movie is more risque than 'Bride Wars'. This shit is strictly for the 'Daddy's Disney Princess' aka Gold-Diggers-In-Training aka I-wanna-be-on-the-Real-Housewives-of-OC-2025!
P.S. DUDES! If your girlfriend makes you see this movie, RUN!, run as far in the opposite direction as possible, run to your nearest strip club, just RUNNNN!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAN TORINO = CLINT'S EASTWOOD'S AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL, 30 YEARS LATE
Is this seriously supposed to be his final farewell love letter to cinema? Cuz if so, he's lettin his anti-Charlie flag fly high and proud. This movie is basically a glorified After School Special in which a white, curmudgeon, war vet is reluctant to succomb to Korean families/gangs taking over his neighborhood, but then takes a stand against the gangs since the Korean neighbors celebrate him as a hero for defending their family. I'm all for Korean BBQ, as long as the waitresses don't conveniently forget you ordered the 'all-you-can-eat special' and ignore you after 2 minutes. Also, Koreans can't drive for shit, you know it, i know it, we all know it. It's not racist, it's a law of nature. Go ahead and take a casual drive through K-Town and count how many times you almost died, then you saw some vacant Korean woman behind the wheel driving like Helen Keller in a snow storm, wait...Helen Keller driving in a snow storm wouldn't be any different than Helen Keller driving on a sunny day. Anyway, Korean + operating heavy machinery = certain death. So, Clint spends the entire movie growling like a hound in heat and only made me think of all the hours he must have spent perfecting his various growls doing ADR in some studio. Gran Torino is way funnier than Changeling, and just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier, Clint starts 'singing' during the end credits! That was the icing on my geriatric cake.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL = IT STOOD STILL BECAUSE THIS MOVIE WAS SO BORING
How many times are we supposed to watch Keanu Reeves play a goopy, sci-fi, hair-less, fetus man/being and take it seriously? After 3 Matrixes, we're done, we're overdone. And throwing 'funky-urban-haired Will Smith's kid on top of everything only makes me vomit more and turn the movie off sooner, take a shower and praise the heavens I am not a part of the Will/Jada Willow/Jaden Pinkett/Smith family of obviously-Scientologists-in-denial-hell. Yes I like hyphens right now, deal with it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE UNBORN = ABORT! ABORT! MISSION ABORT!
The trailer for this movie is a hundred times better than the actual thing, even though it's all a rip-off of the deleted 'spider-walk' staircase scene from the original 'The Exorcist'. The actual movie was so boring I would have paid to watch the trailer on a 90 minute loop instead of this shit. HOWEVER...whoever this lead chic is, wow! If you could conceive of some heavenly hybrid of Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox, Jennifer Connoly and Pocahontas...i think this is her and she is jammin on the one's and two's. Not sure how she skipped over the porn industry but hopefully she has more mainstream, feature films lined up. FYI, half the audience left after an hour or less so if you think I'm too Judge Judy, it was a collective opinion.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
TAKEN = EYE FOR AN EYE: THE DADDY VERSION!
Only few people know, but there was a jammin thriller from the 90's called 'Eye For An Eye' starring Sally Field as the mother of a raped/murdered teen daughter, out for vengance against the released rapist Kiefer Sutherland. The opening scene, at the birthday party, with the ice sculpture, and Sally's balloons while she's stuck in traffic (not her breasts, actual party balloons)...y'all know what i'm talkin' about. Very tense. Anyway, 'Taken' is like the modern day male version of 'Eye for an Eye'. It's good, short, sweet, action packed, sexy, dangerous, not so bad for a January thriller (since this is the time of year studios usually dump all their garbage in hope of some turnover). It is what it is, better than Hotel For Dogs or Mall Cop I'm sure.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3D = MY BORING SERIAL KILLER MINER IN 3D
The og MBV is still one of the scariest 80's slasher movies I've always loved but has never gotten much recognition. Y'all know I loves seeing any movie in 3D and, while this one is fun at times, I was still boooooored to death. They should hang canary cages in the theater to determine how boring this movie is so if the bird falls asleep you know you should get a refund or sneak into something else. Sure there's like a 15 minute scene of a fully naked chic running around but still, the rest is a yawn fest. They even manage to morph the main female lead into a full on, lesbianesque-flannel-wearing-Lohan-look-alike and I was still dying for it to END! While fun at some scenes, overall it's so boring I was hoping the killer miner would throw his pick into the projector and end our collective misery. 'Our' meaning me, the only person in the theater.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Welcome!
Welcome to Hooker's Heart of Gold!
Classy, trashy, hipster or ghetto, I'll be updating with my take on anything including movies, TV shows, music, gossip, web junk, videos, fashion, politics, news of the weird and current events. This is my free form commentary on all things old school, middle school, new school, futuristic-end-of-the-world-prophesies, race relations and shitty customer service sound-offs!
So if you like it, link a friend, sit back with a glass of Alize or White Zin+Vodka and get your swerve on! Expect updates 1 - 3 times a week, not every hour, cuz I still need my day job. Comment at will, and if i'm posting anything remotely NSFWish I will say so, even though my blog name is kinda afterhours-ish, it's your call.
xoxo
HHoG
Classy, trashy, hipster or ghetto, I'll be updating with my take on anything including movies, TV shows, music, gossip, web junk, videos, fashion, politics, news of the weird and current events. This is my free form commentary on all things old school, middle school, new school, futuristic-end-of-the-world-prophesies, race relations and shitty customer service sound-offs!
So if you like it, link a friend, sit back with a glass of Alize or White Zin+Vodka and get your swerve on! Expect updates 1 - 3 times a week, not every hour, cuz I still need my day job. Comment at will, and if i'm posting anything remotely NSFWish I will say so, even though my blog name is kinda afterhours-ish, it's your call.
xoxo
HHoG
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