Trailer Park Roundup

No, you don't need to wrangle in your desert meth labs, this is about movie previews, the good, the bad, the ugly, the Sandra Bullock, let's see what's coming our way in theaters for 2009 besides the obvious Transformers 2, G.I. Joe, which both look jammin'...

PLANET 51

Ok, Thanksgiving isn't 'early 2009' but still. As much as I despise the onslaught of computer animated kid's movies these days, this one actually looks good! I usually hate Pixar (except for Finding Nemo and Wall-E, otherwise they suck) and Shrek was good but Shrek 2 and Shrek 3 and Shrek the Broadway musical?! seriously? Anyway, Planet 51 looks pretty good, martian kids playing hop scotch on crop circle symbols, the multi-mouthed alien from the Alien movies is a house pet, the funny American atronaught is the 'alien', it's cuter than a screaming chipmunk like all these Madagascar/ Over the Hedge/ Ice Age/ Fly Me to the Moon bullshit movies.

THE SOLOIST

Wasn't this supposed to come out months ago? I guess homeless LA crackheads must seem charming and whimsical to Euro-directors cuz this guy just made his swan song for them, probably after staying here for 2 months in a W Hotel over award season a year or two ago. This movie looks hilarious! Jamie Foxx plays a retarded-homeless-crackhead-cello-genius? Robert Downey Jr. plays some weathered newspaper reporter looking for a scoop? They meet in some kind of freeway traffic stand still and have some kind of undiscovered intellectual conntection. Jamie Foxx's jerry curl mullet is enough reason not to see it.

TOKYO!

Finally something good-lookin. I mean, it looks crazy-as-hell but cool. Give me some crazy-ass Michel Gondry shit anyday.

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2

Ben Stiller is an asshole, everyone know's it. At least he found a Meet The Fockers follow-up to pay his rent. Kids who liked Social Studies loved the first one so this will blow their pre-pubescent minds! I hope. right?

ALL ABOUT STEVE

Dear Sandy B., I luvs ya, I'm sorry some crazy stalker is trying to kill your boyfriend/fiance?/husband/motorcycle-enthusiast Jesse James. I'm also sorry I didn't pay that fat asshole $15 for a 90's marble plaque with your photo on it and an engraving saying "She is a fan of the internet" at the Fairfax High School Sunday Swap Mart (Wendi knows what i'm talkin bout). So many things we need to discuss, including your return to cinema via this film...? It's like Will & Grace, but if Grace was even more crazy and slutty.

THE PROPOSAL
Hey wait Sandy B. this one doesn't look half bad. Count me in.


ANIME NERDS CONTINUE!!!

DRAGONBALL: EVOLUTION

Fucking finally right? This movie is a long time comin' and will be followed up by the Naruto movie starring Dev Patel, the dude from Slumdog Millionaire. Anywhoozle, this Dragonball movie looks kinda cool maybe? Kinda low budge but might be fun.

STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN-LI

Uuuummmmm....where the hell is Chun-Li in this trailer? She's the title character and i saw her for 2 seconds in this preview. Why not call it the Legend of Vega cuz he is featured way more. It looks brokedown anyway.

AVATAR - You anime nerds go bat-shit crazy over Avatar, which I don't undertand. Regardless, this movie is still in production, and Dev Patel from 'Slumdog Millionaire' is involved now and I'm sure you will jizz in your pants about it whenever it comes out. Is there a Naruto Hentai coming soon too?